I grew up in Huntington Beach, California in the Orange County bubble.
My family was very poor. We lived in government housing and we were on welfare. My parents had 4 kids by the time they were 26 and my dad would leave for work before I woke up, and get home after I was asleep.
I learnt that life was tough and the only way to have any sort of success was to work extremely hard, save everyone, and prove myself. I learnt that women were less than men, receiving any kind of pleasure made me a whore, and I did not deserve to have it all.
I always knew I wanted to help people. I can remember visions younger than age 5 where I was helping giant groups of people and sharing my love.
I’ve always had so much energy. Turns out it’s my super power when used correctly.
I moved to Bali in 2012 in search of my purpose. I was ready for the cosmic blending of my Western Schooling and Eastern Spirituality.
I did every type of healing. Bizarre healing, ancestral healing, meditation courses, therapy, life coaching, yoga etc. I was like “BRING ON MORE HEALING!”
I would get these highs while at these workshops, and then I’d go right back to my exhaustion and lows just after. I had no lasting changes.
I kept searching. Oh my gawd the searching was so frustrating. I was secretly after the magic pill. Subconsciously I was like “I need a man to save me and tell me I’m worthy.”
I did all the things, but I never got to the root of my sabotaging patterns, I just kept repeating them.
Sure enough, I Hit Rock Bottom.
I got into the most toxic, scary, relationship that threatened my life! I married an extremely abusive man. Physically, spiritually and emotionally. It was the worst situation I’d ever gotten myself into.
I was broken, I was a shell of a woman, and I had to lie and flee the country to escape.
I made my way back to Bali.
I literally wanted to die, I felt like such a fraud. I was teaching this shit, how could I get it so wrong. I was at a crossroads. The darkness, pain and fear was so seductive. I felt like giving up. What I was doing was clearly not working and I was only getting worse.
I had a few hundred dollars in my bank account, I contemplated asking my dad to fly me back to California because he always bailed me out, and to top it off, I was ALL alone.
Literally ALL of my worst fears, ALL at once. And, I still had one very painful secret I was hiding.
I was sexually abused as a child.
I decided then and there I was not going out like this. No fucking way was I going to do the same thing my mom and all the other women in my family did.
Something miraculous happens at rock bottom, if you embrace it.
I imagined getting to the end of my life, taking my last breath and feeling regret because I wasted all of it. That was enough to motivate me to get my shit together. I was not ok with dying and knowing I chose to live an empty, miserable life run by fear.
I knew my purpose was to change the world so I decided right then and there that I was not a victim. My legacy wouldn’t be "abused woman" it would be... "Bad Ass Feminine Icon inspiring women all over the world to step into their power!"
I faced it all. I felt it all. I learnt how to stay in my body, process my pain. And to my surprise… I didn’t die. I only got stronger. It happened fast.
My greatest source of pain and the very part of me I was hiding… is actually my super power.
The problem is no one teaches us how to embody. Everyone tells us it’s ok to suffer, stay comfortable, don't fail, you’re being so positive. Barf!
And because we learnt from our childhood programs that pain and suffering is love, we have wires crossed and the truth is unrecognisable, so we keep seeking out suffering.
When I embody I access my Wonder Woman energy instantly. My standards are high AF and I know that only love is love. No excuses, no saving anyone, no drama.
I used to be sick and exhausted. I lived with chronic pain, chronic candida infections, shame around everything sexual. I felt guilty receiving any pleasure, non sexual pleasure included. I punished myself daily with food, exercise, insomnia, anxiety, and I was desperate to be accepted by others.
It really is simple. I learnt suffering programs when I was little, so when I was ready to stop eating dog shit I learnt self worth programs.
It’s pretty ironic that ME, a poor Mexican American who was sexually abused as a child, went from one abusive relationship to the next, a divorcee, severe body dysmorphia, struggled to make rent for years, trying to save everyone whilst dying inside… I AM actually a Bad Ass Wonder Woman who has it ALL.
Today I live in my power. I'm a successful entrepreneur, coach, energy healer, feminine energy expert, and I connect to Source at the push of a button. No more exhaustion, I literally have more energy than ever before and I'm 38 years old.
I teach women how to have it all. I guide women to their Wonder Woman energy so they believe they are worthy of spiritual, emotional, sexual, and financial abundance.
I went through some shit. I’m not lucky. No one came to save me. I decided that it was time to rewrite my story and learn how to be a leader, so I could finally share limitless love and change the world.
I share my story because I wasted 36 years thinking that my self love was impossible to change, like a shoe size or something. I burnt out, I took everything personal, I was deathly afraid of rejection. I was in abusive relationships, and I fucking faked being happy on the outside while I was dying on the inside. I was miserable.
Reprogramming the subconscious is something we learn. It's a skill just like learning a handstand. It’s your choice, no one can decide you're done suffering except you. And it’s uncomfortable AF for the ego. But we all have access to the tools and if you're not growing and getting stronger, sexier, funnier, happier, and richer every day you are dying.
Today I know like I know the sky is blue that I’m living up to my full potential. I’m living my purpose, I’m kicking ass, and I’m changing the world my way and it's fun.
All we have is this moment right now. What will you choose to do with it?
My legacy is teaching coaches how to fully embody and fall in love with themselves. How fucking cool is that!
I travel the world with my soul mate, we’re getting stronger every day spiritually, emotionally and financially. I don’t save anyone. I only work with incredibly inspiring Wonder Women that give me goosebumps, and they are changing the world their way with ease. I get messages from my clients clients saying they are happier than they've ever been.
Life is so beautiful it blows my mind every day.
To hear more head to laninalu.com and definitely check out my podcast called I Am Bad Ass :)
I hope my story touches you and lights a fire deep in your soul. If I can do it, anyone can.